Meditation

Brain Power alone?

To the intellectually self - sufficient man or woman, many AAs can say, "Yes, we were like you - far too smart for our own good. We loved to have people call us precocious. We used our education to blow ourselves up into prideful balloons, though we were careful to hide this from others. Secretly, we felt we could float above the rest of the folks on our brain power alone.

"Scientific progress told us there was nothing man couldnt do. Knowledge was all powerful. Intellect could conquer nature. Since we were brighter than most folks ( so we thought), the spoils of victory would be ours for the thinking. The god of intellect displaced the God of our fathers.

"But John Barleycorn had other ideas. We who had won so handsomely in a walk turned into all - time loosers. We saw that we had to reconsider or die."

~As Bill Sees It~

p 60

Graffiti War

The Leadership of the US Military has decided to wage war on graffiti in latrines used by US personnel.

This has been placed on such high priority that aircraft in Kuwait are being delayed until perpetrators can be found and offending graffiti removed from victimized porta - johns and latrines.

Soldiers in Iraq have been informed that doors to latrines will be removed and guards posted to insure that latrines, soldiers and other personnel will not suffer the same fate.

We all rest better knowing that our leadership has our best interests in mind, and that they are ever vigilant in the global war against terrorism.

Salute

Meditation

Conviction and Compromise

One qualification for a useful life is give - and - take, the ability to compromise cheerfully. Compromise comes hard to us "all or nothing" drunks. Nevertheless, we must never loose sight of the fact that progress is nearly always characterized by a series of improving compromises.

Of course, we cannot always compromise. There are cirmustances in which it is necessary to stick flat - footed to ones convictions until the issue is resolved. Deciding when to compromise and when not to compromise always calls for the most careful discrimination.

~As Bill Sees It~

p 59

The Novices

We were parked in a perfect row, a habit developed from repetition, pride, and interdependence.

We were dirty and tired, our vehicles caked in mud. We worked in silence, some standing on top of the trucks breaking down weapons, others on the ground stowing gear or performing quick maintenance checks. We moved as one, a team built in training and forged in a combat environment. The only sounds were the clang of metal and movement.

We heard them coming, a chanting that sounded alien in language yet at the same time familiar. We stopped, turning toward the sound. Around the corner came a formation, slowly running. Somebody called cadence, only in a foreign tongue but recognizable for what it was to those who have run in formation.

They wore civilian clothes, and were led by a man in a drab t – shirt, camouflage pants, and boots…an advisor most likely.

We stood watching them wearily, fatigued from our nights work. Passing by they peered at us, novices looking at veteran soldiers. We were the best in the world, experienced and salty from our time spent in the combat zone.

We looked back at them. It was a silent acknowledgement, soldier to soldier.

Gazing at them we knew them, and the situation they were in. And we knew that their ability, potential, and destiny was in their hands.

Only time will reveal if they live up to the challenge of professional arms, and the price of freedom.

Meditation

Righteous Indignation

"The positive value of righteous indignation is theoretical - especially for alcoholics. It leaves every one of us open to the rationalization that we may be as angry as we like provided we can claim to be righteous about it."

*** ***

When we harbored grudges and planned revenge for defeats, we were really beating ourselves with the club of anger we had intended to use on others. We learned that if we were seriously disturbed, our very first need was to quiet that disturbance, regardless of who or what we thought caused it.

~As Bill Sees It~

p 58

Us Womens Olympic Curling

If we can get back to base for the evening meal, one is treated to watching some of the womens curling action currently playing out in the olympics.

This drew some chuckles at first, but the intensity with which these women play, the skill invloved, cooridnation, depth percpetion and spatial ability required have won some fans. Of course it doesnt hurt that most of the young women are quite attractive.

I do not know much about curling but have come to look forward to watching.

We're rooting for you girls. Youve won some fans in my Battlion.

Go USA

"War is an art and as such is not susceptible of explanation by fixed formula" -

GS Patton Jr

Active Duty vs. Reserve Component

It goes without saying that an active duty unit will be better trained over all than one of the reserve component. But that doesn’t always translate into superior performance in the field.

Of all the units we have escorted into harms way, a National Guard unit has been the best so far. They push the hardest, cover the most area in a day, have the least amount of maintenance problems, and have the best “can do” attitude of all.

Regarding my unit which is also National Guard, an active duty commander who has been to Iraq four times told me my unit is the most professional, and has the best composure and weapons posture of any unit he has ever worked with.

Thank you

Meditation

Better Than Gold

As newcomers, many of us have indulged in spiritual intoxication. Like a gaunt prospector, belt drawn in over the last ounce of food, we saw our pick strike gold. Joy at our release from a lifetime of frustration knew no bounds.

The newcomer feels he has struck something better than gold. He may not see at once that he has barely scratched a limitless lode which will pay dividends only if he mines it for the rest of his life and insists of giving away the entire product.

~As Bill Sees It~

p 57

I saw him at the clearing barrels, where we stop to clear our weapons and make sure there are no rounds, or bullets, in them.

From the gunners hatch I spotted him maybe fifty meters away. He stood up and began to trot away from us at an angle, vacating the space that had just been taken by superior mammals.

Without thinking I whistled to him and he stopped and looked at me. This is significant, as Iraqi dogs do not respond to whistles and clucks like ones in America do. Perhaps it is just not a part of their culture. I do not ever remember seeing an Iraqi pet a dog let alone whistle to it.

He was of medium size, about thirty to forty pounds. He had no tail like most Iraqi dogs. I don’t know what happens to their tails. I don’t think that anyone would even care enough to doc one. His coat was of medium length, a little shaggy, and mostly white with large rust orange blotches. He was filthy. His legs long and skinny more like a coyote or wolf. His face was long and slender and came to a sharp pointed nose that created a face alien to any that I had ever seen, savage yet delicate and graceful.

He stopped instantly and looked at me with his ears standing straight up. That’s all it took. I fell in love with him right there. I called down to the driver and asked him to stop. A dog is answering my whistle I explained. The truck came sliding to a halt.

I whistled again and the dog trotted right up to the truck. He stopped and looked up at me intently. I asked the driver if we had any food. Bran muffins.

He got out and offered it to the dog, which retreated quickly then spun around in circles a few times. I told him to place it on the ground on a dry spot. The base was saturated in mud. He did and I repeated my whistle.

Canaanite dog trotted right to the spot and devoured the muffin, looking up at me the entire time, He, armed with his wits and teeth, me with my opposing thumbs and weapons. We watched him eat, and both of us realized right then how much we missed the simple pleasures of home. And felt guilty for having so much back in that place that seems further and further away each day.

I thought of my dog at home, and the other that had to be put down while I was away.

I wished there could be some way I could add this one to my family. But of course, it would be impossible. Yet this one was special. I hoped that somebody else recognized that.

There are so many in need in this country, both great and small.

Meditation

Facing Criticism

Sometimes, we register surprise, shock, and anger when people find fault with AA. We are apt to be disturbed to such an extent that we cannot benefit by constructive criticism.

This sort of resentment makes no friends and archives no constructive purpose. Certainly, this is an area in which we can improve.

*** ***

It is evident that the harmony, security, and future effectiveness of AA will depend largely upon our maintenance of a thoroughly nonaggressive and pacific attitude in all our public relations. This is an exacting assignment, because in our drinking days we were prone to anger, hostility, rebellion, and aggression. And, even though we are now sober, the old patterns of behavior are to a degree still with us, always threatening to explode on any good excuse.

But we now know this, and therefore I feel confident that in the conduct of our public affairs we shall always find the grace to exert restraint.

~AS Bill Sees It~

p 56

Meditation

Seeking Guidance

“Man is supposed to think, and act. He wasn’t made in Gods image to be an automation.

“My own formula along this line runs as follows: First, think through every situation pro and con, praying meanwhile that I be not influenced by ego considerations. Affirm that I would like to do Gods will.

“Then, having turned the problem over in this fashion and getting no conclusive or compelling answer, I wait for further guidance, which may come into the mind or through other people or through circumstances.

If I feel I cant wait, and still get no definite indication, I repeat the first measure several times, try to pick out the best course, and then proceed to act. I know if I am wrong, the heavens wont fall. A lesson will be learned, in any case.

As Bill Sees It~

P 55

If a man does his best what else is there?

G S Patton Jr

A Handshake

Although numerically speaking their contribution is small, the presence of other nations of the coalition is largely felt. They are a small percentage of the entire force in - country yet they are highly visible and seen everywhere.

When driving by them they always wave, and take pictures of American troops and vehicles. They love parts of American uniforms as souvenirs.

And they take the same risks as we do with their very lives.

I love to walk up to them, wherever I find them, and shake their hands and thank them personally for their contribution to the coalition and Iraq.

The immediate reaction and smile is unforgettable.

Meditation

To Deepen Our Insight

It is necessary that we extricate from an examination of our personal relations every bit of information about ourselves and our fundamental difficulties that we can. Since defective relations with other human beings have nearly always been the immediate cause of our woes, including our alcoholism, no field of investigation could yield more satisfying and valuable rewards than this one.

Calm, thoughtful reflection upon personal relations can deepen our insight. W can go far beyond those things which were superficially wrong with us, to see those flaws which were basic, flaws which sometimes were responsible for the whole pattern or our lives. Thoroughness, we have found, will pay - and pay handsomely.

~As Bill Sees It~

P 54

Voices of Iraq




Go get this movie and watch it now.

IED

I saw it go off in the near distance. It did not look how I expected it might.

It more resembled a childs drawing, the kind that is scratched from black painted over another color.

There was no moon out. Through the blackness we drove, peering through the green of a night vision world, occasionally lifting the goggles to give the eyes a few moments rest.

During one of these reprieves I saw the blast. It appeared as red lines shooting upwards into the blackness, formed as a vee. It looked almost as if a child had drawn it, and lasted for only a second. Moments later I heard the loud thud and felt its concussion in my chest, jolting through the vehicle.

Obviously it was an IED. But who was its victim?

After halting our formation, we crept forward alone. We were lead truck this night. Shortly the outline of a gun truck loomed ahead, then two or three more. Approaching the rear most truck we pulled along side. They were in contact with EOD. Miraculously they had been out on the route only moments away from the detonation. Already both sides of the route were cleared of secondary devices. We could go forward.

After turning around and rejoining our own formation we crept forward again through the night, all vehicles with lights off. Through a break in the median we crossed over to the other side of the highway to go around the formation stopped ahead of us.

In the distance I could see it, at first indistinguishable, then taking shape. It was a truck, a civilian tractor - trailer, driven by one of the contractors that haul freight for the military. It was stopped at an angle, crossing two of three lanes. Coming closer it was possible to see that it had been on fire just minutes before. A hole was near the edge of the road, a blackened vee on the ground connecting it to the vehicle, the pavement scarred from the blast. Smoke and steam rose from the wreckage, fire still lapped at its frame. The tires were gone, burned to the ground, and the entire hulk rested on its rims. The front windshield was gone. Both doors were missing. We shone a spot light on it. Through the cab could be seen the interior. On the left side sat a charred and blackened figure, its head and limbs some how diminished, the wire frame of the seat visible, its upholstery gone.

We slowly idled by in silence, no one speaking…

Meditation

Loners - but Not Alone

What can be said of many AA members who, for a variety of reasons, cannot have a family life? At first many of these feel lonely, hurt, and left out as they witness so much domestic happiness about then. If they cannot have this kind of happiness, can AA offer them satisfactions of similar worth and durability?

Yes - whenever they try to seek out these satisfactions. Surrounded by so many AA friends, the so - called loners tell us they no longer feel alone. In partnership with others - women and men - they can devote themselves to any number of ideas, people, and constructive protects. They can participate in enterprises which would be denied to family men and women. We daily see such members render prodigies of service, and receive great joys in return.

~As Bill Sees It~

P 53

For over a thousand years, Roman conquerors
returning from the wars enjoyed the honor of a triumph,
a tumultuous parade.

In the procession came trumpeters
and musicians and strange animals from the conquered territories
together with carts laden with
treasure and captured armaments.

The conqueror rode
in a triumphal chariot, the dazed prisoners
walking in chains before him.

Sometimes, his children,
robed in white stood with him in the chariot,
or rode the trace horses.

A slave stood behind the conqueror holding a golden crown
and whispering in his ear a warning that
"all glory is fleeting."

G S Patton Jr (uncomfirmed)

Mid - Tour Leave Briefing

(notes)

Families most frequent complaint about leave: Their soldier does not seem entirely present. Although physically present they act as if they are somewhere else mentally (know that this is normal and try not to take it personally).

Do not try to make major changes in the household while on leave. It is too disruptive.

Be careful re-exerting authority towards children while on leave. A power struggle with a spouse can diminish his or her established authority.

Be prepared for possible resentment or anger from significant others even though they are proud of you for your service.

Be prepared for changes in friends and family, especially young children. All people change but separation can exaggerate changes that have occurred.

Be aware that you have changed and may have different priorities and opinions than you did prior to deployment.

Be familiar with symptoms of suicide.

11B (Infantry) have the highest rate of suicide in the Army.

If experiencing feelings of anger, guilt, depression or suicide seek help immediately. Contact chain of command. Do not try to deny or hide these types of feelings.

Do not binge on rich or spicy foods. Military food provided in - country is bland. Over indulging on rich foods that was eaten prior to deployment can cause gastric problems.

Moderate alcohol consumption. Tolerance to alcoholic has been lowered by abstinence. Previous levels of consumption will result in much higher intoxication.

Try to refrain from using strong or objectionable language while on leave and around family and friends. Many soldiers are not quite aware of how their language has changed while deployed.

Be very careful while operating motor vehicles back home. Deployed soldiers are used to a different traffic environment. Always wear a seatbelt and never operate a motor vehicle while intoxicated. If involved in an accident contact chain of command immediately.

If there are legal problems while on leave soldiers must inform their chain of command immediately. Be sure to have a POC number at all times.

UCMJ applies to all crimes commited CONUS by soldiers activated or deployed under title 10.

Be careful with spending while on leave. Many soldiers over spend and create debt problems for themselves and family.

Above all, relax and try to have a good time. Do not try to make major changes while on leave. Enjoy family and friends, and get some well deserved rest.

Meditation

To Guard Against a Slip

Suppose we fall short of our chosen ideals and stumble? Does this mean we are going to get drunk? Some people tell us so. But this is only a half - truth.

It depends on us and on our motives. If we are sorry for what we have done, and have the honest desire to let God take us to better things, we believe we will be forgiven and will have leaned our lesson. If we are not sorry, and our conduct continues to harm others, we are quite sure to drink. These are facts out of our experience.

~As Bill Sees It~

P 52

The Gifts That Keep On Giving

Aggression

Dedication to peers

Sacrifice of self for the better of the whole

Letter to my son

Dear Son

I wanted you to know how I felt about the military, my service in it, and my feelings about you serving if you ever choose to.

I feel the military to be an honorable means of service to your country and others around the globe. I also feel the profession of combat arms to be a noble one, but one that should be taken with the utmost seriousness, for with it comes a responsibility that is greater than almost any other. If you ever pursue this make sure that you also achieve an education outside of it, and be sure to read the millennia of experience that are very much applicable even to this day and beyond, as the world does change but the human experience within it does not.

Be ever vigilant and always stand against the unlawful, unethical, and immoral. This takes great courage at times.

I chose to serve for personal reasons, and discovered a part of me that exists to my surprise. If you discover this within you hold your head high and prepare yourself for a difficult yet rewarding journey. Surround yourself with those who work hard to better themselves and others. Look around you to those whos standards are the highest, and aspire to be like them. Then set standards for others, but only if you can achieve and surpass them. Live by example, others are watching.

I do not expect you to serve in the military nor do I believe others should if they do not wish to. I do not believe in the draft or Individual Ready Reserve. I believe the military should remain professional and volunteer. As I stated previously, my service to our country and oppressed peoples around the world were for very personal reasons.

There are many other ways to help people, which is what service is about, and the profession of arms is not the only means to do this.

If you do choose to serve you will become part of a family lineage. Your paternal grandfather served two tours in Vietnam, your uncle in Desert Storm and Haiti. But I would be remiss if I didn’t tell you that your grandfather and uncle both left active service after having served in armed conflicts. My story has yet to be written.

It has not been lost on me that you have experienced the same fate as I, my father leaving to fight a war when I was just about your age.

In closing I want you to know that I love you very much and will support you in what ever you choose to do. If at times it seems that I do not push you or speak to you much of these things it is because I want you to choose your own path and not necessarily follow mine.

It is my greatest desire that you lead a fulfilling, rich, and contented life, and remember to dedicate at least a little part of it to helping others-

Love

Your father

Meditation

The Coming of Faith

In my own case, the foundation stone of freedom from fear is that of faith: a faith that, despite all worldly appearances to the contrary, causes me to believe that I live in a universe that makes sense.

To me, this means a belief in a Creator who is all power, justice, and love; a God who intends for me a purpose, a meaning, and a destiny to grow, however little and haltingly, toward His own likeness and image. Before the coming of faith I had lived as an alien in a cosmos that too often seemed both hostile and cruel. In it there could be no inner security for me.

*** ***

“When I was driven to my knees by alcohol, I was made ready to ask for the gift of faith. And all was changed. Never again, my pains and problems notwithstanding, would I experience my former desolation. I saw the universe to be lighted by Gods love; I was alone no more.”

~Bill Sees It~

p 51

It is an unfortunate fact that we can secure peace only by preparing for war-

John F Kennedy

The Cast

It is approximately the third or fourth week of basic training. We are running between three to five miles a day at a moderate pace, in boots. I have found a new part of myself previously unknown and am becoming acquainted with physical prowess.

We march or run everywhere. One warm afternoon while marching in formation I feel a sensation in my right heel. It increases throughout the march and eventually turns into pain. I begin to limp. I refuse to fall out partly due to pride but also because if I am held back because of injury I will be recycled into another training platoon. Everyone fears the idea of having to start over again.

My limp catches the eye of an ever watchful drill Sergeant. “Are you ok son?” he asks. They call everyone son or maggot. I answer yes, and forge on, determined. But eventually I cannot keep pace with the formation. I am told to fall out and report to dreaded sick call.

The diagnosis confirms a torn Achilles tendon. A nurse wraps it in what is called a soft cast. It is like a regular plaster cast only it doesn’t harden all the way, allowing the foot some limited mobility. I am placed on profile for eleven days.

Its like a death sentence. I will miss mandatory range days and as a result will be recycled to one of the training platoons a few weeks behind me. I will be a stranger again.

I limp around this way for eight days, assigned to various duties within the training company. My fellow recruits are already leaving me behind having experienced things out there that I have not.

I cant take it anymore.

I approach my squad leader late at night. The rest of the platoon is sleeping accept the fire guard. We cut the cast off and dispose of it in the trash. It will be taken to the dumpster tomorrow under cover. I go to sleep.

Next morning I am in formation. The Drill Sergeants walk back in forth in front of the platoon, along side, and behind always looking, watching. The senior Sergeant is giving instructions. I feel his eyes fall on me. Knowing Im not supposed to I look at him and see the puzzlement in his eyes. I see his eyes change and I realize that without a word being spoken I have been given another chance.

I make it through the rest of the cycle just fine despite some pain, including runs and a mandatory ten and eighteen mile march. My heel has always been slightly tight in the mornings since then…

Meditation

AA: Benign Anarchy and Democracy

When we come to AA we find a greater personal freedom than any other society knows. We cannot be compelled to do anything. In that sense our Society is a benign anarchy. The word “anarchy” has a bad meaning to most of us. But I think that the idealist who first advocated the concept felt that if only men were granted absolute liberty, and were compelled to obey no one, they would then voluntarily associate themselves in the common interest. AA is an association of the benign sort he envisioned.

But when we had to go into action - to function as groups - we discovered that we also had to become a democracy. As our oldtimers retired, we therefore began to elect our trusted servants by majority vote. Each group in this sense became a town meeting. All plans for group action had to be approved by the majority. This meant that no single individual could appoint himself to act for his group or for AA as a whole. Neither dictatorship nor paternalism was for us.

~As Bill Sees It~

p 50

The Waiting...

is the hardest part

I cant prove it, but Im beginning to think that about half of our time is spent waiting to get permission to go outside the wire.

If it rains we can be canceled. If there is lightening we can be canceled. If there is action almost all convoys might be canceled.

I am beginning to suspect the Army is becoming obsessed with limiting casualties due to public opinion back home at the risk of the aggressiveness that saves lives and accomplishes missions.

I live for those hours spent on missions, actually on the route protecting those that move the goods that make an Army go. I live for the tension, trying to figure out the enemies next move.

Those long spooky moments when youve discovered something and know he is watching. That everything you do either adds to or takes away from your chances of survival.

Everything else seems a waste of time.

Wasted time is something that seems to be adding up here.

I look to the East and I see the horizon

Past it, and the mountains is Iran...

Superbowl Pick

Sea Hawks

(I love an underdog)

We've had thunderstorms and rain that have soaked much of Iraq, and most of the areas I am in are a foot deep in mud. Everything is drenched including all gear, clothes, and weapons. The inside of the vehicle is soaked and smells. Mud is caked on everything.

Weapons require extra care in this environment as they always do in Iraq.

The region around Faluja is unseasonly warm right now and occasionaly the sun breaks through the clouds to warm us up. This morning was sunny with a bright blue sky.

Not much else I can say right now, just business as usual.

Hope you all are doing ok-

D out

Poll shows nearly half of Iraqis support attacks on US led forces

The bad news first (as always)...
47% Iraqis approve of attacks on US troops
Sunnis 88%
Shia 41%
Kurds 16%
80% of Iraqis think the US plans to maintain permanent bases in Iraq
23% of Iraqis think the US will not leave even if asked to by the Iraqi government

Ouch

Now the good news…
52% Iraqis disapprove of attacks on US led forces
Sunnis 12%
Shia 59%
Kurds 81%
18% of Iraqis believe the US will leave once Iraq is stabilized
23% of Iraqis believe the US will leave if asked by the Iraqi government

And…

35% of Iraqis would like the US led forces to withdraw in 6 months
35% of Iraqis would like the US led forces to withdraw gradually over 2 years
29% of Iraqis would like US led forces to reduce size as situation improves

Conducted by the Program on International Policy Attitudes, University of Maryland
(google it)

There is a lot more to the study so it would behoove you to read an article or two about it

Draw your own conclusions

We saw the lightning and that was the guns and then we heard the thunder and that was the big guns; and then we heard the rain falling and that was the blood falling; and when we came to get in the crops, it was dead men that we reaped-

Harriet Tubman

Bob Woodruff

This space wasn’t intended for current events commentary. But now and then I cant help myself especially considering the recent high profile kidnapping of one reporter and now the injury of two more.

Once again, this is a dangerous place, if not one of the most dangerous in the world.

We all come here for various reasons, some of them personal. I don’t fault anyone for that. But if people are going to come here, they have to recognize. Please see my previous post regarding said kidnapped reporter.

Perhaps civilians who are going to come here should go to one of the security contractors for some tactical training. I understand that reporters cannot be armed but perhaps after a few weeks of intense, repetitive training and drill they might have the muscle memory and second nature to react and know better.

To the families of all three, you have my express sympathies-

D

Meditation

Out of Defeat…Strength

If we are to stop drinking, there must be no reservation of any kind, nor any lurking notion that some day we will be immune to alcohol.

*** ***

Such is the paradox of AA regeneration: strength arising out of complete defeat and weakness, the loss of ones old life as a condition for finding a new one.

~As Bill Sees It~

I never saw a wild thing sorry for itself
A small bird will drop frozen from a bough
Without ever having felt sorry for itself-

DH Lawrence

Seven Things Iraqi Kids Always Want

Food
Attention
Watches
Pens
Chem - lights
Money
What ever you have in your hand at that moment

All these things, with the exception of attention, they’ll ask for by name

Meditation

Live Serenely
When a drunk has a terrific hangover because he drank heavily yesterday, he cannot live well today. But there is another kind of hangover which we all experience whether we are drinking or not. That is the emotional hangover, the direct result of yesterdays and sometimes todays excesses of negative emotion - anger, fear, jealousy, and the like.
If we would live serenely today and tomorrow, we certainly need to eliminate these hangovers. This doesn’t mean we need to wander morbidly around in the past. It requires an admission and correction of errors - now.

~As Bill Sees It~

P 48